Government Ethics An Oxymoron

An article in todays NYT yet again sheds light on some conservative polititian who preaches one thing and practices another...the story is always the same, I don't know if I should even bother going into detail but here we go.  Senator John Ensign (R) Nevada was cheating on his wife with get this... his best friends wife.  Some people have no shame.  His friend Douglas Hampton (also his top aide and #2 guy in Washington) not only found out about this, but continued to work for the senator while trying to sort things out with his wife.  The good senator continued to plug away like a bass fishing tournament, despite being openly confronted by his former friend.  After countless failed attempts to keep his dick in his pants he came up with a solution, "I know! I'll send my pal Dougy and my fuck buddy back to Nevada (where my real wife lives), where my 3 inches of thunder can't possibly reach her..."  How pray tell does one relocate his former friend and his mistress wife who both happen to work at high levels in his office without creating a stink?  By getting ole Dougy a job as a lobbyist at high level companies that have already paid for his senatorial vote via massive campaign contributions.  Of course this comes on the condition that his former friend not mess up his possible upcoming bid for president by leaking to the nation that the ever-pious conservative senator had been banging his wife.  So Doug swallowed his pride, just like his wife had swallowed everything else the senator had given her, and made the move back to Nevada.  Now don't get me wrong I feel bad for Doug Hampton, after all, it is not his fault that his wife is a whore and his best friend betrayed him in the worst way possible He's a senator for g-d sake you're telling me he can't get some stink on his wang somewhere else. Have some class man, haven't you ever heard of Eliot Spitzer? Also, I saw the pictures, the senator's wife and his mistress were about equally old and about par with each other in the looks department, you could have at least tried to sell a wife swap and let your buddy have a go at your missus, ya greedy bastard.

So, anyway poor Dougy takes the job in Nevada on the condition that Senator Ensign throw him some cash to stay quiet and sets him up with a few clients, essentially promising to delegate the demands of Doug's new cash cows to his staff, and selling his influence to the highest bidder.  Is this what makes me mad?  No, not really I am sick of people turning a blind eye towards (or simply being to dumb to see) the corruption that almost seems inherent in our system at almost every level, and then all of a sudden acting shocked when something like this shows up on the radar.  I mean who do you gotta bang to get someone to realize that you are selling your influence?  Oh... your friends wife.  Plain and simple, campaign contributions are a way of buying the influence of lawmakers, which when you wish to break the law, is especially useful.  But I'm not bitter, if I had the money I'd probably do it too.

So I'll get to the point...How does this fairy tale end?  Well it turns out, Doug wasn't making enough money and Ole Johnny boy was to cheap to by him off.  Doug without a word, decides to finally sack up after taking it deep for such a long time.  He grabs the remnants of his balls and shouts, "I'm burning this fucker to the ground, whose with me?" and he sells his story to Fox News. (ewww)   Essentially, this was a voluntary killing of his cash cow (Ensign) aside from the possibility of a law suit (good luck he's a senator) and may have put a serious dent into Johnny Boy's chance to become the next slick willy.  John Ensign, who voted to impeach Clinton after the Monica's Black and White Dress Party, responded simply that it was a personal matter saying, "I haven't done anything legally wrong."    Hampton's law suit will likely bite the dust, and since John and Kate Plus 8 decided to change it's format the huddled masses will surely be distracted enough to allow Ensign to escape the public stake burning that Bill Clinton recieved.  Another conservative gets away with getting laid,  And yet the world goes on...
A lot of build up in this story with kindof a quick finish...Got blue balls?  How about some Awards?

Biggest Deusche Award goes to John Ensign: for fucking your best friends wife...not cool buddy.  Next time try one of those discreet senatorial whores, they cost more, but hey its worth it.
Regaining of Manhood Award goes to Doug Hampton: for dropping the dime on the guy that banged your wife and giving up all rights to a future full of blackmail. But certainly not future blackmales (for your wife she's insatiable)
Editorialism Award goes to whoever at the New York Times that decided to run with this one.
Sweet Blog Award goes to me for killing a shitload of time at work and writing my first real blog entry

Congrats to all winners
Thanks for reading this all the way through.

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